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Relief

By on Feb 15, 2018 in Blog Posts, Cancer, Summer | 2 comments

Of course I am sad. Sadder than I thought possible. When I think of the future: the hopes and dreams Josh had (and I had for him) it feels like a piece of my soul is missing.

I’ve been a fool

By on Jan 30, 2018 in Blog Posts, Cancer, Summer | 9 comments

Thursday was Joshua’s memorial. It was, for me, a moment that counted. There were many, many people who got that but also – and this is why I feel like such a fool – many people who had sent me “anything you need” messages through the year that were missing. 

The boy in the green tights – a eulogy for Josh

By on Jan 28, 2018 in Blog Posts, Cancer, Summer | 5 comments

We drove home from Durban on Thursday and I told Shannon that I didn’t like to think of Josh Resting in Peace. His reply to me was – of course he isn’t resting in peace. He is at the front. Causing trouble.

All the worry-worthy things

By on Jan 15, 2018 in Blog Posts, Summer | 3 comments

“Cardiac patients seem to notice all the risks in the world,” she said. “Often they end up being afraid to do things on their own. It robs them of their independence.”

Cancer, it seems is the same.

The elephant on my chest

By on Jan 6, 2018 in Blog Posts, Cancer, Summer | 10 comments

“There’s a elephant sitting on my chest.” My words feel rushed and tangled. My tongue trips over the simplest of phrases. I’m having difficulty keeping the volume of my voice even.

Cancer Christmas List

By on Dec 10, 2017 in Blog Posts, Cancer, Summer | 5 comments

Here is the list of things on Joshua’s Christmas wish-list that I can fulfil A cookery book. The is the rest of his list: To finish Grade 10. To go to college. It  doesn’t have to be a fancy one. I just to know what’s like to be a student. To have a job – even a boring one that I don’t like much. To know how it feels to be in love. To be married and have a family. I want to know what it feels like to have people who depend on you, who you can’t stop caring for because you are tired or bored. To be sure that people like me and admire me because of who I am and what I’ve done not because they feel sorry for me.  ...